Time out

Earlier this week I had organized a sure fool proof schedule for myself. As the week progressed my list began to grow because it was taking me longer than I had anticipated to check the things off from it. Feeling very frustrated, I had to re-evaluate the importance of each item.

• Laundry- Do the kids really need clean clothes to wear when they are just going to get them dirty as soon as they put them on?
• Wash dishes- No dish washing machines here, I am the dishwasher. I declare the dishwasher to be temporarily out of service.
• Cook breakfast, lunch and dinner- Seriously???!!! How often do humans truly have to eat?
• Shuttle kiddos to their various activities- As soon as they are old enough to shuttle themselves I want to invest in a vehicle for their use. In the meantime....TAXI!

My list is much longer than that one ▲ up there. Yes, I have only myself to blame for not teaching my boys how to help around. Yes, yes I do baby them too much. When I do ask for their help, they give it to me somewhat willingly, and I've learned not to flinch when they do it their way. What's the problem?

On Monday, I went to my sister's for lunch. When I arrived, she was vacuuming the living room in a hurry and putting a few last lingering things away. In a flash, she was done and had packed her toddlers in the car ready for take-off. She has turned into who I was thirteen years ago. I used to take so much pride in doing my job as a stay at home mother. What changed?

Now that my boys are older and my eldest is no longer living with us, I find myself with extra time to do what I always wanted to do with my life. The problem is, I don't truly know what I want to do. I have some goals: earn my baccalaureate, attain a career (in I don't know what), and travel the world. What else? I feel like there is something missing that I just can't quite put my finger on.

All the little daily mundane things I do don't amount to what I want to do with my life. Sure it is important to keep your home clean and in order. However, home keeping is no longer as fulfilling as it once used to be. My boys are older now. They need me in a different way than when they were younger. Their age has given me an opportunity to do something else with my life. Again, what do I want to do?

Blogging has given me forum in which I hope to discover more about myself and what I would like to do. My new journey in life has begun.