Taking a little stroll in the evening out in the plaza where our local movie theater is, I let out a big slow sigh and held my husband a little closer. He gently and lovingly squeezed me back. Then I blurted, "Russell Crowe is sooo dreamy." We had just reviewed the movie list at the box office and we were headed back to a sitting area near an eatery. My husband stopped walking releasing his hold on me and asked, feeling a bit rejected, "What?" In my defense, I explained, "He is soo handsome!" "Really, him?" he asked in disbelief pointing behind me to a movie poster of Robin Hood. "Yikes!!" I had to agree with my husband, that movie poster does not capture Russell Crowe the dreamy actor, but rather Russell Crowe as the heroic Robin Hood.
At this point, it was too late for me to back track. My husband and I are such good friends that at times I forget he is also my spouse. We share just about everything including our thoughts. Well, most of our thoughts. That evening I should had remembered about the numerous times I had expressed my admiration for a hot looking movie actor in front of my hubby. His reaction has always been the same- hurt and jealous. Oh dear.
Granted, my pitiful retraction was not the best course of action. It just made matters worse, giving my husband fuel to avenge his pride. "Julia Roberts is so...." "Oh, stop..." "She is so.." "Babe, I'm sorry". This sparked an old tired conversation about admiration of a public figure. Is it infidelity or is it admiration? Did I really just commit adultery by verbalizing my lust for a movie star? It's not as though we were in our most intimate moment and I was desiring someone other than my hubby. The thought of this big chunky momma having an inkling of a chance to have a romance with a gorgeously well built hot movie star is ridiculous. Seriously??!!
This morning, the conversation continued. "Oh, husband!! Stop!!!" I began to wonder about his thoughts on other women, famous or not. Is his over-reaction sweet jealousy or is he feeling guilty for daring to admire a sexy woman on the big screen? Hmmmm... As humans, we have built-in receptors that attract us to certain people with the right combination of chemistry. These receptors do not just shut-off once we are married. That little ring we slip on each others finger does not magically ward-off our attractions to others.
Intimate relationships are held sacred with trust. Trust that we will stay true to that person regardless of the chemistry we may feel about another. When my husband assures me that I am the only woman he is attracted to, I know he is lying because Julia Roberts would have never popped into our conversation last night.
Respecting how our comments affect our loved ones is also very important. Did I fail to respect my husband when I drooled a bit over Russel Crowe? Maybe just a little. Even though movie stars are so far removed from our reality, the verbalized expression of my attraction to some of them is a tad disrespectful to my husband. The point is, he doesn't like it when I sigh at an ear shot of him whenever we are watching the tube at home or at the movies. To respect my hubby I need to remember that and save my comments for my girlfriends. [Oh my gawd!! I just saw Troy last night with hubby. Brad Pitt had me drooling!]
What do you think? Is drooling over a hot movie star infidelity or simple admiration?
7 comments:
It's not infidelity, but some things are best not shared with our spouses, that's what we have friends for. I have a thing for Simon Baker from the mentalist. I just think he is all that and more. The times I've watched the show with my husband, I have to remind myself not to swoon. One day we were watching an episode of Big Brother that we don't normally watch and this attractive hoochie was being voted off, my husband looked at his brother and said, "I wouldn't vote her off!" I was pissed. I know it's natural for him to admire, but I don't need to hear about it. He got the point the next time I saw The Mentalist and said, "I don't even like this show, I just really like Simon Baker." Since then, we don't really watch The Mentalist anymore.
It's tricky. I also adore Mr. Crowe. At first, ten years ago (when Gladiator came out) my Hubby was disconcerted and jealous, as I'd never expressed an like for any other actor. However , Gladiator is also HIS fave film now. And he often asks me just what Mr. Crowe is up to lately. So I don't think he thinks I disrespect him.Now he just chuckles. He knows he's the ONLY man actually in my life.
I try to save my more embarrassing outbursts for online friends who share my interest.
This must be a common bone of contention in marriages. My husband and I try to avoid it by not commenting about who we find attractive. (We still slip sometimes though!)
We're human, of course we'll find others (movie stars or just passing strangers in the grocery store), attractive - but the comments can hurt if one is a little insecure. (Which my husband and I both are!)
@Unknown Mami ~ Oh, that's a shame you don't get to watch what you want. There is definitely a big difference between ogling a guy at the office and ogling a tv or movie star, but what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. Hope you will get to admire Mr Baker soon with your hubby by your side knowing he has you.
@Anomymous ~ I just have to remember to save my comments too. LOL!! I've caught my husband drooling a bit too whenever we watch a tv show or a movie with a hot chic in it. LOL!! At least he remembers I'm sitting next to him and saves his comments for his friends.
@OakMonster ~ We are slowly getting to a more secured level in our marriage. You hit it right on the button! It definitely would be different if either of us were eying someone in our lives. Fantasy and reality are not the same.
@Tracy ~ I'm definitely more secure than my husband is. However, when we were younger, we were both very insecure. This conversation would have ended a lot worse had it taken place 15 yrs ago. He got his feelings hurt but he knows he has me. I'm not about to run off into the sunset with the yummy Mr Crowe. ;)
men men men!!! i tell you what... they give me headaches lol. what is so wrong abt commenting how a celebrity looks?? not like you have a chance in heck with them anyways. now if it was a coworker or a friend of the family then thats pushing it. just last week i was commenting on a fine specimen of a man. the ex would always tell me abt jessica alba. im my eyes all is fair ok now im rambling
@Stephanie ~ LOL!!! I agree with you! It's reality versus fantasy. It's not as though I was flirting with Russel Crowe in front of my husband. I don't even know if would be able to speak if I ever came across him in person. :)
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